The Difference Between Being Self Centered and Being Selfish
There is a huge misconception whenever I talk about being Self Centered. I can feel the recoil and quick preparation of arguments on why whatever I am about to say is wrong or needs to be better translated into more palatable understandings.
But I’m not interested in placating the idea that we need to be on this earth for the benefit of others …. I know, it’s such an uncomfortable concept … but that there is a gold mine here that I have found and want to share with you.
Here’s the basic idea ….
Being Self Centered,
is about living a life that creates your best interests for self actualization.
Being Selfish,
is about living a life that steals to gain your best interests for survival.
What people are actually afraid of is the stealing that happens when we are selfish.
When we are empty, desperate, scarce, frantic, surviving, and depleted … we have to resort to stealing in order to stay alive. This usually happens when we have been locked in a dominated environment for too long without the ability to escape. The chronic stress solidifies who we are allowed to be, which is a slave to the circumstances. A starving slave will try to steal in order to live another day.
When we are selfish we will try to steal anything that will keep us being part of the program for it is better than being cast out and alone.
We will steal not just money or accoldates or progress, we will also steal favor, affirmations, dependency, value, belonging,
We will even steal through negativity like attention, help, accomodations, or coddling.
When we are selfish, we are a liability to the world, we are thieves with survival as our ultimate goal.
This is what people think being self centered is, but I argue a different perspective. This is selfish.
Being self centered is what I believe the secret to healing our own self which will naturally bring the consequewnce of healing the world.
We need to begin our work in being a better person by focusing on our own center self, away from the expectations and needs of the hurting world around us. We need to give ourselves the permission, and take the responsibility to no be a selfish liability but rather an abundant asset. We can only do this when we take care of ourselves first.
When we are self centered, we don’t need to steal. We have learned how to sustain what we need, how to produce what we want, and how to lead through the navigations of our own unique life.
We are able to adjust to our environemnts knowing who we are instead of seeking who others want us to be.
We are able to take responsibility for what we need to sustain, and flourish, so that we live in a state of abundance.
We are able to produce the things that we want through open collaboration with others who also have a centered self.
We are able to learn the ever changing evolution of who we were, who we are, and who we are becoming in a way that is deepinging our understanding and wisdom.
We are able to share what we have in abundance when we choose, because we see clearly how it will benefit us and those that we want to be a benefit to.
We are able to facilitate what we lack, discover what we need, and delight in what we want.
When we are being self centered, we are an asset to the world, with thriving as our ultimate goal for everyone.
So when you feel like you are being ‘selfish’ … ask yourself if you are trying to steal for your own best interests.
Or, are you instead being ‘self centered’ … choosing what is best for you from a self sustaining and self propelling momentum.
Likewise when you feel that tension from someone else. Evaluate if they are being selfish and trying to steal from you, or are they being self centered and investing in their own progress.
Some journal prompts to help you integrate these concepts into being more self centered
Take a moment and anchor back into this clarification.
Can you tell the difference of when are you trying to steal or sustain? Be a liability or an asset? Be centered in who you are or who others want you to be?
How does this feel in your body, in your mind? What fears come up?
Then have a look at how you can be more self centered, how you can sustain your needs and wants without stealing.